


Shame

by life_not_knife



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 01:11:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8124787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/life_not_knife/pseuds/life_not_knife
Summary: Kibum used to bully Jinki in high school. What happens when Onew is assigned to work for Kibum’s fashion department?





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this was from the lovely Anon on Tumblr who left the following prompt:
> 
> Hello!! I have a big prompt lol but I'd love if u could write it♥ Onkey - R- Key used to bully Jinki really bad when they were in school and years after Onew is assigned to work under Key's fashion department and is so different, secure of himself and nobody mess with him anymore. Key is so in love with this new onew but maybe he has no chance for what he did because of all the pain Onew went through. Up to u if they can be happy or onew finds/already is with somebody else.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“Mr Lee, I understand your concern but there is nothing the company can do about it. We need someone to oversee the fashion line and you are our best employee.” His line manager explains with a sorry expression.

“But we made a deal when I moved up here that I was no longer needed in the fashion department.” Jinki whines, he doesn’t care if he comes across as immature right now.

“I know we did, but these are orders from head office and you know I can’t over-rule them. Besides, you were in the fashion sector for three years so you are the most qualified to oversee that this new fashion line brings a profit.” Mr Kang gives an apologetic smile and Jinki knows the conversation is over.

“So who is the designer we are working with?” Jinki asks, resigning himself to his fate.

“Kim Kibum for ‘Classe Noir’” Mr Kang answers, his office phone is ringing and he dismisses Jinki with a wave. Jinki’s feet walk him outside before his legs eventually collapse. Those three syllables still make him anxious and send a pang of dread through his body.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_“Hey! Sangtae! Watch where you’re walking!” Kibum seethes. Jinki just shuffles along with his head facing the floor. “Yah! I’m talking to you.” A slam of the lockers is all Jinki hears as his soft round eyes finally lift in caution._

_“S-sorry.” Jinki splutters out._

_“That’s not really good enough is it? You’d better watch your back nerd!” Kibum chuckles as his palm comes to rest on Jinki’s nape, forcing the older boy into a bow. He laughs some more, his friends joining in before they all walk away._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Jinki has a lump in his throat as he exits his company car, keys swinging anxiously in his hand as he tries to build a façade of confidence. He enters the too-small lift, presses the button for the basement floor and for more than one reason, his nerves build with each descending level.

“Hi, Park Industries here to see Kim Kibum.” He informs the receptionist who gives him a warm smile.

“You may go through, he is in the studio to your left.” She gestures to the double doors.

“Thank You” He notes professionally as he takes confident steps towards the doors, his heart palpitating so fast he thinks he might throw up.

Inside there are clothes on racks, wooden boxes and crates line the walls in an art deco, new wave modernism style. The floor is black and the ceiling is a stark, bright white. He notices a figure amidst the hustle and bustle that is gradually moving closer towards him.

“Hi there, you must be from Park Industries. I’m Kim Kibum, designer and creator of _Classe Noir_. It’s a pleasure to be working with you.” The man offers his hand which Jinki begrudgingly shakes.

“Pleasure.” Is all he says, face stern and business like.

“Okay. Well, let me show you around and then we can head to the conference room to go over the promotion plans and business model. How does that sound?” Kibum asks, clearly a little put off by the lack of response he is getting from the older man.

“Sure.” He responds curtly as Kibum leads them around the studio, introducing him to people and explaining the process. Jinki zones out, it’s nothing different. He has years of experience working in a fashion studio so he knows how it runs.

“Oh my god, Jinki?” A female voice squeaks from across the room and Jinki’s face immediately leaves his bored expression and beams happily as he approaches the blonde woman who is currently wearing a designer’s utility belt equipped with pins, scissors and the likes. He wraps his arms around her once they finally meet, the fabric in her hand trailing over his shoulder.

“Noona! It’s been so long, how are you?” He asks with a megawatt smile and he doesn’t miss the confusion lining Kibum’s face.

“I’m great dear. Wow, look how handsome and strapping you are. The corporate life suits you well.” She praises and Jinki ducks his head in a shy manner. “Still just as shy and modest though, I see.” Maria chuckles and she finally realises Kibum is standing there looking confused. “So, what are you doing here? Are you working for Kibum now?” She says, eyeing them both.

“I work for Park Industries now, and we’re heading the promotions and sponsors for this year. Kibum here was just showing me around, telling me how things work.” Jinki replies, the bite in his words not lost at the mention of Kibum’s name.

“Ah well, Kibum-ssi. I don’t think Jinki here needs any explaining to, he is still one of the best assistant designers I have ever known.” She praises the older boy highly before someone alerts her of a problem and she has to promptly leave with a small ‘nice to see you again’.

“Uhmm… let’s head straight to the conference room then shall we.” Kibum says, gesturing to the lift in the corner and he seemed extremely put out.

Once they reach the lift, Kibum presses L4 and the silence is engulfing. Jinki isn’t sure if Kibum recognised his name earlier or if he is put off by Jinki’s apparent experience in the field. He doesn’t really care to find out.

“Right this way.” The younger speaks as he leads Jinki through the corridor and to the conference room at the end of the hall. “Please, take a seat. Would you like a drink or a snack?” Kibum asks, still looking nervous.

“That won’t be necessary. I’m just here to see the business model, sign the contract and be on my way.” Jinki speaks, never losing his business tone.

“Right. Of course. Let me pull up the files and get the contract. I won’t be a moment.” Kibum says as he exits through the glass door. Jinki watches as Kibum’s back retreats.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_All that Jinki can see is a blurry outline of Kibum’s retreating back as he sits on the floor crying. His chest heaves for breath, panic setting in through every cell in his body as he sees the door close and hears the deep chuckle as it locks._

_The walls are closing in, the smell of disinfectant and damp mops assault his nose as he scrambles around in the now dark closet. Claustrophobia had always been something Jinki struggled with and he didn’t know if Kibum had acquired this information somehow or it was a sick and painful coincidence._

_‘You’d better stay there on your knees where you belong fag. Otherwise your little sister is going to hear about all of your filthy escapades.’ Kibum had said, low and fierce in Jinki’s ear._

_He had tried to protest, he knew that he had never done such things but the evil glint in Kibum’s eyes told him that the younger had something up his sleeve and Jinki found himself powerless._

_He can still feel it now; Kibum’s palm grabbing his crotch, rubbing and massaging and Jinki unwillingly becoming hard much to his shame._

_‘See, you’re such a filthy little fag. Getting hard for me.’ The hand slipped under his P.E shorts and Jinki regretted deciding to walk home in his kit today, rather than getting changed again. Of course he had never made it home. Kibum had been waiting for him. Shoving him into the cleaning closet before Jinki could comprehend what was happening._

_‘Your cock is just as fat as you are, Pudgy.’ Kibum’s hand sped up and Jinki couldn’t move for the shaking terror, couldn’t shout for fear and eventually the shame washed over him in ropes of saline white. Kibum had pushed his face down, making sure ropes of his own come landed there._

_‘You say a word Pudgy, and your sister might just get a glimpse of this.’ Kibum hissed as he snapped a picture before leaving him on the floor._

_Sticky shame on his face and a deeper, heavier shame sitting like lead in his stomach, he pulls up his briefs and shorts, blindly groping around in the dark. Tears in his eyes and heart dropping through his stomach at the realisation that he is locked in here._

_The cleaners arrived around 5pm, unlocking the cupboard and the sight that greeted them changed Jinki’s life forever._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“So as you can see, Park Industries will gain 30% profits from my label and 95% advertising and sponsorship at all events and promotional activities. Your investment is set at 1.2 billion won, with expected proceeds and profits far exceeding a double in return. You can see the list of expenses below but all new expenses will be sent into your internal systems for the finance team to handle and review.” Kibum speaks, his demeanour much less relaxed than usual. He is worried about the male before him.

“I see. Everything seems to be in order.” Jinki answers after ten minutes of silence as he had checked the numbers, expenses list and promotional opportunities. “Where is the contract?” Jinki asks as he places the tablet back onto the table.

“Ah, right here sir.” Kibum hands the thick wad of paper over to Jinki in haste.

Another twenty minutes pass in which Kibum begins to sweat and Jinki tries to read the contract as thoroughly and quickly as possible, his skin crawling with the need to get away from the man.

“Okay, everything in here is agreeable and fair. Pen?” Jinki confirms.

He takes the offered pen from Kibum, printing his full name and signature on each line. Initialling the different clauses and subsections and taking out the company stamp from his briefcase, sealing it beside his name. He does this for both copies of the contract and makes sure to send another copy to their legal team electronically.

“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you sir. I look forward to working with Park Industries.” Kibum smiles and shakes Jinki’s still reluctant hand once more.

“Likewise” Jinki lies as he adjusts his tie and puts his jacket back on. He grabs his briefcase and Kibum leads him to the lift to escort him downstairs and back to reception.

“Where are the stairs?” Jinki asks directly, causing Kibum to pause in calling for the lift.

“To the left” He points down a long corridor.

“Thank you. I am claustrophobic so I much prefer to take the stairs.” Jinki gives a smile that comes out more as a grimace and Kibum nods as he leads the business man towards the stairs.

“Your company isn’t necessary. I can find my way to reception from here. We will be in touch very soon.” Jinki speaks, blunt and unforgiving because he needs to get away from Kibum, he can’t keep his mind from replaying the trauma of his past.

“Very well. I hope to see you soon.” Kibum utters out and all he receives in response is a nod of the head from Jinki as he makes his way down the stairs.

Kibum walks back to the conference room in a daze, he spots the contract on the desk and spins it around hastily. He flicks through the pages at a frantic pace until he lands at Jinki’s signature. He looks at the printed name ‘Mr Lee Jinki’ stares back at him, his worst fear coming to fruition.

“Fuck!” Kibum curses, no wonder the man was so unforgiving.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_“Jinki dear. Tell me who locked you in there. Tell me what happened.” His mother pressures for the fifth time that morning as they sit in the head teacher’s office._

_“Nothing happened. I didn’t see who locked me inside. They grabbed me, pushed me in and locked the door. That’s all.” Jinki lies, not once looking up at his parents or the head teacher._

_“Jinki…” His father says softly “… the cleaners found…” the flinch from Jinki is noticeable as he grits his teeth and clenches his hands into fists. “…son please, tell us what happened.” His father pleads, resting a palm between his shoulder blades and rubbing soothing circles._

_“Nothing happened. I – I want to go now. Can I please go? I have maths class and my project is due today.” Jinki mumbles as he looks up at his head teacher, the woman offering a sympathetic nod in response._

_“I will talk about this with your parents. You can go ahead first and we will meet later Jinki. Thank You. If you need anything, my door is open.” She finishes and Jinki bows before scuffling away quickly._

_By the end of the week Jinki had transferred to a school in Seoul. Leaving Daegu far behind for a new start._

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kibum watches as Jinki walks around the fashion show venue. He directs where he wants the advertising boards to go, men and women taking his orders unflinchingly.

“Mr Kim, there seems to be a problem with one of the headline dresses.” He is interrupted by one of the co-ordinators and his eyes stop starting at the older man in favour of addressing the problem. He walks backstage into the dressing room, only to find one of the models standing in the dress on a high podium.

“What seems to be the matter?” He enquires, the dress seems to be fine.

“It trails on the floor when she walks and with the water theme in the previous segment, it will become heavy and tear.” The co-ordinator explains.

“Right…what about heels?” Kibum asks.

“She is already wearing heels, it isn’t enough.” He is informed.

“Then can we re-tailor the dress?” Kibum asks as his heart sinks at the thought of having to change his beautiful design.

“We don’t have time sir and the original design has already been printed in the brochures.” She says quietly.

“Then what do you expect me to do?!!” Kibum fumes, taking out his frustrations on the poor woman.

“Well, perhaps she can stand on a podium at the end of the runway or something? I really don’t know.” The woman says sheepishly.

“She can’t…” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “…she can’t STAND during a runway. This is a disaster.” Kibum fumes, trying to calm his temper.

“Use an insert, down the centre.” A smooth and deep voice breaks through Kibum’s muddled mind as his head snaps around to see Jinki’s handsome face. His shoulders look exquisitely broad in his tailored Armani suit, jawline strong and prominent and stature demanding attention. “It’s light, you can have a few runners place it atop the surface in just seconds during transition. Place a cloth beneath it to add grip.” He finishes with an air of confidence.

“Right…of course. Find Ariane and get it sorted.” He says to his co-ordinator as she nods and scurries away. “Thank you, Jinki.” Kibum offers, his eyes still roaming across every inch of Jinki’s face from his thick lips to soft nose and deep, powerful eyes.

The older man simply nods his head, not making eye contact as he ushers one of his team over with a curl of his fingers. “Get our brand stuck onto that insert, top and sides. Understand?” Jinki commands and the man nods, his headset bobbing as he relays the instructions through the microphone and hurries away.

“Jinki, I was wondering if…after the show. Do you want to get a drink? Maybe talk. I have some things I need to say.” Kibum asks uncertainly but the desperation is easy to find in his tone.

“Either spit it out here and now or let it lie. I have plans later, I’m busy.” Jinki says, finally meeting Kibum’s eyes with a piercing gaze. Kibum chokes on air and gapes at the other like a fish before Jinki sighs and turns on his heel.

“Shit” Kibum says once the other is out of sight. “Shit!” He repeats louder and kicks the small wooden stool across the room, a few staff members and models stopping to watch him before carrying on with their busy schedules once again.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Why is Lee Jinki so handsome? Kibum thinks to himself for the millionth time that month as his eyes follow every one of the elder’s moves as he mills around the office space. The fashion show had been a hit and now all of the employees, Kibum included, were catching up on paperwork before they start work on the fall line.

“Is something the matter?” A deep voice breaks Kibum from his trance.

“Oh…sorry. No, everything is fine.” Kibum stutters as he notices Jinki standing before him, looking powerful and important in his impeccably styled and fitted suit.

“Then why have you been watching me intently for the last hour or so?” Jinki is blunt in his questioning.

“Erm…well…” It’s now or never Kibum thinks “I actually wanted to apologise” Kibum says quietly.

“For what?” Jinki’s face is stoic and his arms cross his chest in a defensive position.

“For what I did to you in high school. I was… horrible. Immature and cruel. I’m so sorry. I was just a stupid kid and didn’t think about how my actions could impact somebody’s life.” Kibum replied with a pleading expression and apologetic voice.

The air is still and stale for an entire minute, Kibum’s eyes relaying between the floor and Jinki’s face worriedly as he waits.

“I don’t know what you expect me to say.” Jinki says, voice level.

Kibum thinks; he doesn’t know what he wants Jinki to say either. Does he want the older man to forgive him? Or did he just want to clear the air?

“You made my life a living hell. You made my parents move house. You made me move schools. You broke my spirit and you knocked all of the confidence out of me. I won’t forgive you – ever Kibum. So if you’re looking for forgiveness, don’t even bother.” Jinki spat before spinning on his heel and exiting the conference room.

Kibum had never felt worse in his life. He felt like he wanted to throw up, crumble, disappear and he supposed he deserved it, hell, he deserved worse than this.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Jinki replays the conversation over and over in his mind as he rests on his pristine white couch, wine glass in hand and black suit still impeccable with only his tie and top button betraying his composure. Kibum had looked so small and apologetic today, was he too harsh? Was he actually supposed to forgive the bully for his past misgivings? Even if he was, he couldn’t. He may have started his life over when he moved schools. He took up boxing which gave him power and strength he didn’t know he had. He built relationships with those around him and even built his confidence and happiness along with it.

Despite all of that, the memories of searching blindly for his glasses on the ground still haunt him. He still feels the sharp jabs of Kibum’s shoes as they landed against his ribcage and stomach. More than anything, he can still feel the burning shame and humiliation as raw as it was all those years ago. He feels it rising to the top and he downs his glass of wine before sending the empty glass smashing against the floor to ceiling windows of his lounge area. He will have to clean it later but right now, he needs an outlet, he needs to expel these rotten feelings from inside of him, these feelings that Kibum has stirred up within him, using only a few sentences.

He stands and walks to his bedroom, reaching into the shelf in his wardrobe and grabbing a duffel bag. His keys clink against the glass bowl as he picks them up and slams the door in anger. Not fifteen minutes later and he is hitting the punching bag with fervour, releasing the emotions and finally allowing the painful memories to slip away, back into the darkened depths of his mind.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

 The flashing of cameras fill the stage of the press conference.

“Mr Kim, what were your inspirations for the fall/winter line?” A reporter asks with a flourish of his hand.

“There were many inspirations for this line, we took a look at nature and allowed that to inspire us. From the trees, the colours of the leaves all the way to the fauna that inhabit the woods during the winter, as you can see from our faux fur collection. There have been many inspirations along the way and with such an amazing team behind me, ‘Classe Noir’ would not have achieved this exceptional award.” Kibum speaks both sincerely and professionally into the many microphones that surround him as he stands confidently against the backdrop which is plastered with the Park Industries logo.

“Out of all the help from your team and other collaborations on this season’s project, who do you think has been the most influential?” A tall, blonde woman asks.

“Well, we are always grateful to all of the collaborations that come our way and it is a personal and professional pleasure for me to work with other renowned designers, it is like a dream come true. However, if I had to choose anybody that supported us the most it would have to be Park Industries. They supported us both financially and morally, constantly providing us with the equipment necessary and giving us the opportunity to branch out and explore new territory. Without them, Classe Noir would still be a small studio in the basement and not a label worthy of winning this award tonight. I also have a special thanks to Mr Lee Jinki from Park Industries who has been on site with us from day one and has saved my ass on too many occasions” He chuckles here and motions his hand to the stoic figure stood by the exit. Instantly, every lens is facing the older male and the flash of panic is brief but clear before the man is moving to stand at Kibum’s side. “This man here, is well versed in the world of fashion and is also the most professional and talented business man I have ever met. It has been a pleasure to work alongside him and I will be blessed to continue this partnership far into the future.” Kibum finishes and smiles a genuine and blinding smile towards the male at his side.

Jinki is frozen on the inside, he doesn’t like the attention and he can’t bring himself to like the words coming from Kibum’s mouth because despite their six months together already, he still holds the younger in contempt and nothing is ever going to change that. Just as he is about to shuffle away, he feels his right hand being enclosed with another and as he turns to look at Kibum, the younger man is simply smiling for the cameras and a proud expression on his face. Jinki resists the urge to yank his hand from the other’s grasp. He represents the company right now, he can’t make a scene – he doesn’t want to lose his job.

“Thank you for your time Mr Kim and once again, congratulations. I’m sure we will be seeing big things from Classe Noir and also from Park Industries in the future.” The MC for the evening wraps up and the flashing of cameras continues to follow them as they walk hand in hand through the exit.

As soon as Jinki sets foot across the threshold and behind the door, he hastily rips his hand from the other’s grip.

“What the fuck was that?” Jinki spits.

“I wanted to give your company more exposure, that’s all it was.” Kibum defends and Jinki knows he’s lying.

“Don’t EVER… touch me like that again. Don’t use people for your own publicity, especially me.” Jinki seethes.

“It wasn’t for publicity!” Kibum shouts back as they continue through the winding corridors and towards their hired car.

The sound of loud voices and echoing footsteps come to an abrupt halt. Jinki’s perfectly shined shoes turn sharply to the right, coming toe to toe with Kibum’s stylish patent boots. Their faces are so close, that from a distance they would look like lovers about to kiss, but the anger on the business man’s face paints an entirely different picture up close.

“Then what was it for huh? You still enjoy playing around and making me uncomfortable? You think you can just do whatever the hell you want?” Jinki rages, his hands clenched tightly at his side, retraining himself from doing something he would surely regret. He won’t lay his fists on the younger, he won’t stoop to his level.

Kibum is complete silence, his eyes pleading and face looking sullen. Jinki’s mind flickers for a second and his heart feels bad at his outrage but then he remembers, and the anger resurfaces with new found fuel.

“ANSWER ME!” He screams right into the other’s face.

“I … I … I like you okay! How can you not notice it after so long? I like you. More than I should like you. I like the man I once hated. I like the man who thinks I am nothing but trash okay? I shouldn’t but I do and I was selfish. I wanted to touch you, to hold you for so long. To apologise for what I did to you. To try and make amends and make things better. I wanted to be close to you in a place where you couldn’t run away from me. A place where you couldn’t put up a barrier between us. These last six months have been torture because all I’ve wanted to do is just kiss you and spend time with you, but I couldn’t. You pushed me away, built up barriers that I couldn’t even crack let alone break down. It was a moment of weakness and I’m sorry.” Kibum explains, his face honest and eyes swimming with emotions from regret to affection and Jinki can’t take it. He stands still, eyes searching the other before him and his mind short circuits because of what he has just learnt. “I’m so sorry Jinki. For what I did. For liking you now. For everything.” Kibum speaks softly, his fingers coming up to touch deft and soft down the elder’s sensitive nape. He feels the other flinch, a jerk reaction in response to the soft caress but Jinki is moving forwards, bringing their lips ever closer and Kibum feels his eyelids slip shut in anticipation.

“Get the FUCK out of my face” Jinki spits, low and angry and the words almost reverberate off the younger’s lips as they tremble. The business man moves back then, fishing his phone from his jacket pocket and walking away.

The only thing Kibum hears is Jinki calling for his company car to collect him and all he can see is Jinki’s retreating back through his tear blurred eyes.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

He never saw Lee Jinki again. The company sent in a replacement. Some woman who was too peppy and happy for the opportunity. The magazines and newspapers haunted him with headlines of the new power couple ‘Lee Jinki and Kim Kibum.’ Apparently their hand holding and close proximity during their argument was captured and taken out of context. If only they knew. Park Industries had refused to comment on the issue and Kibum’s marketing team had likewise refused. As he sat there with his coffee in one hand, his eyes scanning the headline and the peppy brunette woman at his side he figured he deserved this gut wrenching feeling that consumed his insides. He deserved the dead feeling in his chest, and yet… it still wasn’t enough compared to what he did to Jinki. The regret consumed him every day and it still never felt like enough.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Five months later, Kibum is working late in the studio. The only light can be seen from a small desk lamp. The usually busy floor is silent except for a crying and sniffling sound that echoes in the loneliness.

“Lee Jinki, one half of the rumoured power couple was spotted today with what looks to be his new boyfriend. Is KiJin a thing of the past?” Kibum’s eyes read the sentence over and over again, his eyes filling with tears and his throat gasping out sobs. Now he feels, this is finally what he deserves.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if I did this prompt justice. If the anon reads this, please let me know – if you want. I need to like…watch some spineless comedy or romantic fluff right now to kill the angsty storm inside of me. Apologies. I hope you liked this, despite the negativity. I actually enjoyed writing this! So thanks for the great prompt.  
> As always, comments are really appreciated. As well as upvotes,subs and re-blogs etc…  
> Until next time,  
> Xx L xX  
> (Also, the next prompt fill is …. Onkey. Haha. Then Taekai then another Taekai, then Onkey, then Jongkey.!! So, watch this space!)


End file.
